Autism and Bigotry

What inspired me to write this particular post was encountering a person I knew to be autistic who had bigoted views against trans and non-binary people (and possibly also gay people it wasn’t clear.) So, I don’t know if this post will have a definite answer to anything, it probably won’t, and I think this is going to be one of those things where writing this will help me get the answer to some questions I myself don’t know the answer to. So, all kinds of bigotry is horrific, and it saddens me that there is almost certainly at least some level of prejudice in my own psyche. I once took the time to reflect on how I viewed the world when I was in my early twenties, and I was surprised to realize that, despite being an advocate for gay marriage and gay adoption even then, I was much more homophobic then I realized. If I didn’t know I had prejudiced views then, I wouldn’t necessarily know now. And more recently, a few years ago, I remember first becoming aware of non-binary people, and just, not really understanding the issue that well, I understood what a trans man or a trans woman was, but I suppose, I didn’t understand how somebody could be outside of the male or female categories, but after listening to what some non-binary people had to say, I still don’t understand what it is like to be non-binary, but I recognise their experience of being neither male or female as valid.

So, do I have any other unfortunate views in the deep recesses of my brain? I do have some other bigoted views in my own mind that I find difficult to extricate completely, have been aware of them for a while, but I’ll talk about that subject at the end. But what I’d like to examine now is, when I encounter another autistic person who is homophobic, or transphobic, or ableist, it, doesn’t piss me off even more than when I encounter a neurotypical person who is like that, it just, pisses me off differently, that’s the best way I can put it. And have I coined a new phrase? You could say, “I am differently pissed off when a train is late than when a bus is late” for example. But enough rambling (hopefully). Let’s begin!

The first possibility I’d like to discuss is, perhaps since autistic people have known prejudice and discrimination for a large part of their lives, perhaps all of their lives, that it seems particularly cruel and callous to inflict this on another person? A part of me finds that plausible, but a bigger part of me feels it doesn’t make sense. If a white person has for example, homophobic views, my initial reaction is not, “This person isn’t as bad as a black person who has homophobic views because black people have known prejudice and therefore shouldn’t be bigoted to other people.” I can even see reading it how little sense that sentence makes, when I put it like that it doesn’t have any logic to it at all. So I don’t know if the answer is, “Autistic people have known prejudice and therefore are worse if they are bigoted towards other people”. Unless that’s how I feel subconsciously, who knows, having a brain is hard. Can we all go back to being single celled organisms please? That was so much easier!

When I see another autistic person with discriminatory views, am I uncomfortable because I see something in them that I don’t like in myself? I have tried to examine this, and try to find an answer to it, and I don’t have an answer, not right now anyway, maybe I won’t find the answer for over another decade, just like with the homophobia problem I had. But as to the question, do I have such a strong reaction to bigotry in autistic people because I’m worried I’m just like them, perhaps, and maybe some day I’ll figure out that that’s the answer to this, but after reflecting on this issue, there’s another thing that jumps out at me, and I think it might well be the answer.

I think I have probably said this before, but I think it’s an exercise in futility to try and figure out which minority group society has the highest level of bigotry against. So, for example, is racism or homophobia a bigger problem in Ireland? I think there are so many variables involved that it’s pointless to try and answer, and we would be better off trying to take greater steps towards eliminating these horrible problems from our society then trying to answer the question of who has it worse.

However, I do think, as a low support needs autistic person, that I feel safer than I imagine a transgender or non-binary person does in this country. I am not saying this is the experience of all autistic people, but this is my experience. If I feel this way, there must surely be other low support needs autistic people who feel the same way, don’t feel as frightened about going out and about in the world as an LGBT person does. In my daily experience, I often find there are many social situations where it is possible to get away with talking in unapologetically hateful ways about trans people that you simply could not get away with talking about with regards to autistic people.

And I think, unfortunately, some autistic people are happy to jump on the anti LGBT train. Because if society has their sights on trans people, or non binary people, or gay people, then autistic people can slip below the radar. Now don’t get me wrong, most of the autistic people I know are very pro-LGBT, but I think some autistic people, after years of experiencing bullying and shaming for being different, realize that they can direct all of the pain they have experienced onto another minority. I think I can understand it, but it is shameful and I would never condone it. Being a victim of bullying, shaming, and prejudice is no excuse for wanting to target another group that for too long has experienced the very same. And, the simple reality of it is that, for want of a better way of putting it, it doesn’t “work” as a tactic. Transphobia doesn’t, and never can, discourage other forms of bigotry, it can only encourage them. If people with horrible views against autistic people see transphobes getting away with their vile actions, they will realize that they can get away with it too. Directing the bigotry against trans people isn’t just vile and immoral, as an autistic acceptance move it’s just poor strategy.

So I think that’s the answer, or the closest to an answer I can find right now, about why bigotry in autistic people pisses me off differently as I have previously said. Instead of working for a better world for autistic people, they realize they can go off and hide and let LGBT people take all of the abuse, or worse, join the side of the abuser. I’m not proud to admit that in my nastier moments, I take enjoyment in the fact that some day the bigotry that this small minority of autistic people have helped fan the flames of might eventually come back for them. But such thoughts are not productive, and I try to avoid them as much as possible.

So that wraps up this post, wait, no it doesn’t, there was something I had to talk about before I wrap this up. I had to talk about my own major bigotry, my own quite significant prejudice. Well, that’s not easy to talk about, but here goes. Now, I’m not saying I won’t realize there is even more bigotry and prejudice in my brain at a later time, and if that happens I’ll do everything in my power to address it, but for now, I’ll tell you that the group I’m prejudiced against is, autistic people.

Before someone says, “It’s impossible to be prejudiced against yourself!” No it isn’t. If our society promotes bigoted and stigmatizing views against autistic people that influence neurotypical people, does anyone really think that autistic people won’t internalize these views also? Do autistic people have some sort of forcefield around their brain that protects them from anti-autism views? (Though a brain forcefield would be kind of cool, someone invent that please!) If negative ableist views can get inside of neurotypical people’s minds, then they can get inside autistic people’s minds too. We don’t live on another planet, we live in the same society as NT people, and we are vulnerable to developing any negative viewpoints that they are vulnerable to developing, even if those negative viewpoints are towards ourselves.

After all, I went into denial about my autism status for eleven years. And now that I’m out and proud about my autism status, I’ve never been happier, I literally smile more! But I don’t think you can just pull yourself out of self loathing and never return to it, or if you can, it’s going to take a lot longer that the two and a half years that I have been accepting and open about my autism status. I still have, if not bad days, well, bad moments. I will be flapping my hands, and doing really pleasant sounding vocal stims, and I will feel great, then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, there is a voice that says, “Do you have any idea how stupid you sound right now?” A voice that says, “You’ve gotten away with defying society’s view of what’s acceptable for two and a half years, and now it has to stop.” There is still a feeling of fear and dread if a person I don’t know very well witnesses my hands flapping or hears my vocal stimming.

And there’s something else, that, thankfully, I’m getting better at managing. For at least the first year that I was openly autistic, if I saw another person vocal stimming or perhaps flapping their hands in public, my first thought was, “Do they really have to do that in front of everyone?” (I should note that I don’t know for certain that these people were autistic, they could have been neurodivergent in some other way, and perhaps in certain cases they were NT people who just don’t care about arbitrary social norms.) And I’d feel ashamed for thinking that, but that was my first thought. This was when I was still getting comfortable with my own vocal stims and hand movements that might be deemed unusual (for those eleven years I was so repressed I would try to stop all vocal stims or hand flapping even in the privacy of my own home.) But the good news is, it’s getting better. Now when I hear someone vocal stimming, or see someone hand flapping, I’m more likely to think, good for them! They’re not afraid to be their true self, even when out in public, and instead of shaming them, the world should try and learn a positive message from them!

So, I suppose the message of this is, anyone can be prejudiced, anyone can be bigoted, even if you think you are not. This isn’t to say you should walk around assuming every thought in your head is a bigoted thought, but always be aware that bigotry is something that can be very hard to detect in your own mind. When I had homophobic views, I got on well with the gay people I encountered, and was a supporter of gay marriage and gay adoption. When I was confused about non-binary people, I thought I couldn’t be transphobic because I was fine with trans men and trans women. Bigotry and prejudice aren’t always easy to see, even in your own mind, and maybe that’s why humanity hasn’t yet gotten ride of intolerance. I always thought it was so simple, “bigotry is bad, so just get rid of it.” But maybe the unfortunate reality is, those who are bigots, often times don’t know that they are. After all, the truth is, and it’s hard to type this because it’s a difficult thing to get my head around is, we are all bigots to some degree, and that includes me.

And, don’t let anyone tell you you can’t be bigoted against yourself. Internalized self hatred is a horrible thing, I’ve dealt with it for a large chunk of my life, and taking steps to liberate myself from it has made me a much happier person. So don’t assume that you can’t be prejudiced against what you yourself are, because not only is it possible, but it could turn out to be a very serious problem that has held you back your entirely life. Just like it has been for me. But confronting this problem head on has made me life much richer. And I hope the same can happen for others.