Should Oxygen Be Considered Anti-Semitic?

Good afternoon, I’m Completely Empty BBC Presenter. The question of our time, should oxygen be considered anti-Semitic? To argue that it should be, we have Suzanne Candlecuddle, from The Center For The Advancement Of Israel’s Interests Above Humanity’s Interests, and to argue it shouldn’t be considered anti-Semitic, we have some leftist troublemaker with some sort of stupid t-shirt. So we’ll start with you Suzanne Candlecuddle, why do you think oxygen should be considered anti-Semitic?

SC: Well Mr Completely Empty BBC Presenter, it’s quite obvious. Oxygen might seem all nice and pleasant in principle, but it doesn’t just allow Israel and its allies to breathe, it allows the enemies of Israel to breathe too. Therefore, I think oxygen should be considered anti-Semitic.

CEBP: Excellent points, stunning in fact. Now over to you Mr Stupid Leftist, what do you think?

LT: This is absurd, it’s beyond parody. People in Gaza are starving to death, they are being shot by the I.D.F just for trying to get food, and you start this RIDICULOUS debate on whether oxygen is anti-Semitic?

CEBP: Now there’s no need for rudeness Mr Stupid Leftist, talking about starving Palestinians is just bad manners, and if you don’t mind me saying, I think your parents did a very poor job in raising you.

SC: And if I might cut in, I think this is typical of the Pro-Palestine movement. Here we are, trying to discuss the very important topic of whether oxygen is anti-Semitic, and this mad extremist tries to derail the topic by going onto completely irrelevant points such as how many Gazans starved to death this week.

CEBP: I agree with you Suzanne, it just goes to show that when you have the courtesy to allow these Gaza loving hippies a chance to speak, they just waste everyone’s time with irrelevant stories about dead children.

LT: 21 months, for 21 months we have witnessed the murder and starvation of the people of Gaza. The images we have seen, the stories we have heard, should be breaking your heart. The last phone call of Hind Rajab by itself reduced me to tears, just her death alone, let alone all of the other deaths, all of the other tragedies, all of the other events in Gaza that should make us all feel ashamed to be human. Are either of the two of you even able to feel even a morsel, even a morsel of empathy, for the people of Gaza?

CEBP: Mr Stupid Leftist please, in the interest of balance, we have allowed you time on the BBC no less, a very important and world renowned organization, to debate one of the most important, if not the most important topic of our age, should oxygen be considered anti-Semitic?

LT: How could it be anti-Semitic? It’s just a part of the atmosphere you unhinged lunatic!

CEBP: Well I think with that kind of rude tone we can see who the real unhinged lunatic is, now, I’m going to mute your mike so Suzanne Candlecuddle can make the excellent and thought provoking points she’s about to make, and in a few minutes I’ll allow you to speak again, if you can behave yourself! Now Suzanne, could you elaborate further on why you think oxygen is anti-Semitic?

SC: Sure. There have been a number of reports from the Jewish community about feeling intimidated by oxygen. A number of Jewish people have stated that when they see a person with a Palestine flag or wearing a Palestine t-shirt, they feel extremely unsafe, knowing that the Earth’s atmosphere itself is what is allowing these sick fanatics to breathe.

CEBP: Okay, which Jewish people have said they felt unsafe?

SC: Excuse me?

CEBP: I just wanted to know, which Jewish people have stated they feel unsafe because of oxygen?

SC: Of course. There have been a number of reports coming in from Jewish communities both here and abroad about Jewish people feeling threatened by oxygen.

CEBP: Yes, I understand, but could you give me more specific details about those reports?

SC: We agreed you wouldn’t give me any pushback!

CEBP: Yes yes, of course. My apologies. Stunning points! Stunning. Now, we’re going to try and take Mr Stupid Leftist off the naughty chair, and hopefully that won’t result in chaos. Mr Stupid Leftist, I’m going to unmute you now, what have you got to say?

LT: Well, first of all, my name is Mark, could you please stop calling me Mr Stupid Leftist?

CEBP: Oh no you don’t, you’re not going to push your mad leftist pronouns on me Mr Stupid Leftist!

LT: I’m not even talking about my pronouns, my name is Mark!

CEBP: It’s bad enough that you won’t stay on the topic of oxygen being anti-Semitic, but now in addition to going onto the completely irrelevant topic of Gazans being shot in large numbers, you’re trying to push some insane trans ideology on me. Well I’m not having it!

SC: And also, Mr Stupid Leftist claims to love LGBT people so much, and yet supports Palestine, where they throw you off a building for being gay.

LT: Even if I grant that Palestine is as homophobic and transphobic as you say, how, in any way, does that justify the mass slaughter of the Palestinian people? As you know Britain just introduced horrific new laws that make it an absolute nightmare for a trans person to use a public toilet. Britain has been known for years to the trans community as “TERF island.” I’m sure you’d agree that the sickening transphobia that Britain is guilty of would in no way justify genocide against the British people. So why do you argue that homophobia and transphobia in Palestine justify the genocide of the Palestinian people?

CEBP: Naughty naughty Mr Stupid Leftist! We are not here to talk about any urination related difficulties experienced by trans people! Stay on topic or I’ll mute you again!

LT: I’ll probably be muted again for saying this, but anyway. I think you, Suzanne, are one of the biggest anti-Semites there is. You don’t care about Jewish people, you only care about Israel. You are constantly conflating Jewishness with support for the genocide of the people of Gaza, and what could be more anti-Semitic than to regard all Jews as being bloodthirsty maniacs? You are only interested in the voices of pro-Israel Jews, but you ignore the voice of Noam Chomsky, who for decades has been a massive critic of Israel. You ignore Naomi Klein, Gabor Mate, Simone Zimmerman, you ignore ANY Jewish voice that doesn’t agree with you. And what could be more fucking anti-Semitic than to only be interested in what Jews have to say when they’re agreeing with you?

CEBP: Wow! Those were some great points Mark, I must admit you’ve given me a lot to think about there. Perhaps we all need to think about these issues in a different way.

SC: Are you serious?

CEBP: Oh, eh, I mean, you’re a stupid leftist, so eh, why don’t you marry someone from Gaza?

LT: What would be wrong with that?

CEBP: Anyway, that’s all we’ve got time for this week. We’ve been talking to the stunning and delightful Suzanne Candlecuddle, and in the interest of balance we’ve also been talking to a stupid leftist. My apologies for briefly agreeing with him, my conditioning briefly failed, won’t happen again! I hope you’ll join me next week, where or next riveting and thought provoking topic will be, Should Humanity Itself Be Made A Proscribed Organization. Hope to see you then, I’m Completely Empty BBC Presenter, good night!