Hello, today I wanted to talk about a terrible ideology that is affecting more and more people, I have seen many of my friends and family members affected by this set of beliefs, and it is heartbreaking to see them change from the bigoted, ableist people I once knew, into people who cost corrupt organizations money, I mean into people who have views that are bad. I am talking, of course, about autism acceptance.
People who have accepted the horrific notions of autism acceptance say things like, “Autism Speaks is a terrible organization that doesn’t speak for autistic people,” or “We should listen to autistic people instead of talking over them” or worse, “One of my friends is autistic, and they are a person, not a disease to be cured.” You can see the problem with these phrases immediately, they are costing us money, I mean they are bad for my bank account, I mean they are bad for society.
Andrew Wakefield lives in a giant house in the United States. If the idea got out that autism was just another way of being human, and not a horrible illness caused by vaccines, poor Mr Wakefield might have to move into a house of regular size. Can you imagine that, poor Mr Wakefield, in a three bedroom semi-detached house? It’s unthinkable!
And what about Autism Speaks? Have you thought about Autism Speaks, that poor organization is really struggling at the moment! While you were selfishly treating your autistic friend as a human being and not as an object to be exploited, you didn’t even stop to think about Autism Speaks! About ten years ago or so, Autism Speaks could just put out stuff about how autism was the tool of the devil, they even had a video where Satan himself says, “Good afternoon, I am Satan, and I wholeheartedly endorse autism, have a nice day.”
But now, instead of being able to put out a straightforward message about how autism is evil, they have to waste time and resources by every now and then saying things like, “I have an autistic friend” and “Look at that autistic person there, she seems nice” and, “Don’t be like mean and stuff to an autistic person”. So, part of their money has to be spent on figuring out a way of making their ableism and bigotry seem less obvious, and it’s costing them so much money, that they might have to consider buying a silver toilet instead of a golden toilet. Can you imagine the indignity of shitting in a silver toilet? But it gets worse from there, the autistic community remembers what Autism Speaks has said about them over the years, and they won’t forget, so if autism acceptance really takes over society, Autism Speaks might go out of business, even if they try to pivot to being an organization that spends all of their time saying, “Autistic people are lovely,” instead of being an organization that only say that some of the time. And then, they might all have to move into a three bedroom semi-detached house, like poor Mr Wakefield might have to move into, and it will contain just one toilet, made from whatever toilets are usually made of.
And have you spent even one second, even a fraction of a second, thinking about the parents who post videos of their autistic children having meltdowns online? No you haven’t, you were so self absorbed that you couldn’t stop treating your autistic child with dignity for even a second to think about these poor parents! If autism acceptance really takes over society, then these videos will no longer be considered acceptable, and these poor parents, they’ll, they’ll actually have to think up some other you tube content! Maybe they’ll have to learn a musical instrument, like a ukulele, or pivot to being some sort of “react” channel, or, the one where, like, people eat stuff, yes, they might have to become a Mukbang channel!
Or what about the hero Ole Ivar Lovaas? This amazing man is now thought of as a villain by the autistic community, because he gave electric shocks to autistic children! I can’t believe how judgemental some members of the autistic community are, they couldn’t even give the hero Ole Ivar Lovaas the benefit of the doubt. How do they know he didn’t shock those children in self defense? Is it so much to ask that we apply to Mr Lovaas a level of compassion and empathy that we would never apply to an autistic person? I’m really not asking for much here!
Truly, this is all heartbreaking to watch, so what can you do about it? Well, there are a few simple phrases you can use, that will make it sound like you are ever so high minded and progressive when it comes to autism, but are actually a way of shutting down the autistic person and completely disregarding what they have to say. Here are some of these phrases.
“I Don’t Believe In Labels.”
This is an utterly meaningless phrase that sounds like it’s like wonderful and amazing, but it actually means nothing. Don’t worry if you’re still using labels such as “severe” or “high functioning”, remember, the point is to just confuse other non-autistic people into thinking that you are ever so enlightened when it comes to autism!
“We’re All On The Autistic Spectrum.”
If an autistic person seems to be doing okay in life, they’re happy, they’ve got a few friends, maybe they played a smart, charming cannibal in a film a few years ago, it is very, and I mean seriously important, to deny their autism diagnosis. The reason for this is because autistic people who are doing well in life destroy the narrative that autism is a terrible disease that is worse than the black death, I mean of course it’s worse than the black death, it’s autism for crying out loud! But you can’t go up to someone and say to them, “You’re not autistic!” I mean you can, and I quietly support people who do that, but, it just comes across as a bit mean doesn’t it? So you claim that everyone is autistic! After all, if everyone uses a train from time to time, that must mean everyone is on the autistic spectrum, in the same way that the fact that everyone gets a sore leg from time to time means everyone is on the wheelchair spectrum! Don’t worry about the fact that within ten minutes you are going to say something that contradicts this point, remember, we’re trying to make money off people’s ignorance, not form a logically coherent argument!
“Don’t Let Autism Define You.”
Another way of shutting down an autistic person while coming across as ever so sympathetic to autistic people. I like to call this one the baby sister of “I don’t believe in labels”, because it pretty much serves the same purpose, basically like shining a torch in someone’s eyes, and while they are temporarily blinded you can scurry away into the night. You might say, “But aren’t we all defined by things, like our hobbies, our friends, our favourite places.” But again, it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t make sense!” Think of these as politician’s answers, they are designed to advance your agenda without worrying about logic!
“Why are you Always Talking About Autism?”
You can use this one no matter how little the person talks about autism. If they only talk about it every seventeen months, it’ll still work. The fact that you talk about it even more yourself can be safely ignored. Remember, this whole thing is entirely dependent on ignoring things like the truth, facts, logic, and, possibly even basic mathematics.
So I hope I’ve given you the tools needed to keep exploiting autistic people and spread misinformation about them for profit. If you follow this advice and use these phrases over and over again, you will never, ever have to suffer the humiliation of shitting in a silver toilet, that’s my promise!
Ponderings Of An Autist 