A Hard Cycle Back From Corrin Hill

Content Warning: Anxiety and Panic Attacks

In 2019, a few weeks before I did the most difficult cycle I ever did, I talk about that here:

The Toughest Cycle I Ever Did

I did a cycle to Corrin Hill that was quite difficult. (It was the cycle back from Corrin Hill that was difficult, not the cycle to Corrin Hill, but I’m probably going to accidentally say “the cycle to Corrin Hill was difficult” throughout this post because, I dunno, I just find it easier to say it like that.) The reason I was seeking out something with a bit of difficulty was that in a few weeks I would be doing a cycle to the Knockmealdown mountains on the Waterford/Tipperary border, then on to Dungarvan where I would do about half of the Waterford Greenway and then my hope was to get to Mahon Falls ( I didn’t succeed), and possibly get to Coumshinghaun Lake (I didn’t succeed in that either, and I think deep down, I knew I would never reach that lake. The idea that in the course of such a difficult exhausting cycle I would manage to get to Coumshinghaun Lake is laughable, HA HA HA!!!!)

This was not my first cycle to Corrin Hill, in fact, it kind of fell off my list of places to cycle to on a regular basis, mainly because it was “replaced” by the Nagle Mountains. Corrin Hill is nice, but it lacks the supreme tranquility, and peacefulness, that you’ll only find in the Nagle mountains. Corrin Hill is often full of people and is near some busy roads, so it can be quite noisy. Nevertheless, the views from the top are really nice, so off to Corrin Hill I set.

So I set off, and probably (I don’t remember, my trips to Corrin Hill have somewhat blurred together in my head), stopped in Rathcormac to get water and food and a bit of a rest. The fact that the area around Corrin Hill is more populated does come with an advantage. If you’re hungry or thirsty when you’re almost at Corrin Hill, no problem, there’s a shop in Rathcormac, likewise if you’ve just completed a walk up Corrin Hill and you need some food. But the Nagle mountains are so isolated, you just have to stock up on everything you need before you leave. I’ve often had to leave my binoculars at home because my bag would be completely full of bottles of water.

So assuming I did get provisions in Rathcormac, I assume I did, but we’ll never know for certain because I don’t remember. I cycled down the horrible road that sends vibrations through my bones (fix the goddamn road!), and then went up the hill to Corrin Hill. The fact that Corrin Hill is up a hill, means the view is even better. I parked the bike at the base of Corrin Hill, and began my walk up.

A Beautiful Spring Day On Corrin Hill

Fermoy In The Distance

Trees!!!

Trees Forming Almost A Rectangle But Not Quite

Distant Views

Cairn!!!

Corrin Hill has a really nice cairn up at the top. I’m somewhat of a cairn spotter, if that’s a new word I can invent and copyright. Cairns are basically piles of stones that have often been there for hundreds if not thousands of years, and the fact that a simple stone structure has endured so long fascinates me.

Another View Of The Cairn With Some Hills In The Distance

Darkness On The Cairn

More Distant Views

I Love These Kind Of Views, The Trees Looking Down On The Land Below

The Cross On Top Of Corrin Hill

Yet Another View Of The Cairn

This View Is Nice. What Can I Say I Really Like Cairns!!!!

I Don’t Like Cairns Too Much, Everyone Else Likes Them Not Enough!!!

Some Really Nice Trees On Corrin Hill

So, my cairn spotting urge fully satiated, I got on the bike and cycled as far as Rathcormac. And then I made a decision that would make things a lot more difficult. I decided, I would, cycle home via Watergrasshill.

Why would I do this! Do I hate my legs! I can assure you that I don’t hate my legs, they allow me to do wonderful things such as play the drums, but I really wanted to make sure I was fit enough to do the cycle to the Knockmealdowns and the Waterford Greenway that I would soon be embarking upon. The other thing is, I had in fact cycled back from Corrin Hill via Watergrasshil before, and I honestly didn’t remember how tough it was. So, with no idea what I was truly getting myself into, to Watergrasshill I went!

There’s this moment when you’ve started a tough hill on the bike, when you’re maybe ten meters into it, and you can feel your leg muscles screaming, and you get this thought, something like this, “I have only just started this hill, and I’m in agony, how the hell am I going to finish it?” And then later on, you pass the point of no return. No matter how much flat ground is on an alternate route back, it would take so much longer to turn around and take the alternate route, that you have no idea how long it will take to get home. So you are just, committed to doing this horrible, horrible hill, there is no way out.

So that’s how it was, I was committed to this deeply unpleasant hill, that just went on and on and on. Although you can always understand on an intellectual level that you the hill will end, and you will be free, on an emotional level, it always feels that the hill will never end. Sometimes hope comes in the form of a signpost that tells you that the distance to your destination isn’t all that great, but when it tells you the opposite, it can be absolutely crushing. I was doubting my ability to cycle. I was doubting my ability to do the cycle I would be doing in a few weeks. There were feelings of doubting myself that I can’t even begin to describe. Was cycling just too hard for me?

But the hill did end, I arrived in Watergrasshill, and I tied up the bike, relief. Or was there? No. Because you see, the feeling that I had just made it, by the skin of my teeth, had caused me a really bad panic attack. And sometimes when you are having a bad panic attack, you feel sick, like you might actually throw up, and that’s how I felt now.

I went into a shop to get something to drink and to have some food, but I still felt really sick. I was able to eat and have my drink without anything coming back up, but it was still a scary experience. I was (apparently) sick, when there was a bit to go on the cycle, how was I going to get home? It’s very rare that I’ve experienced anxiety induced vomiting, but here’s the thing, the 90% of the time that you think you are sick, when you are not, feels exactly the same as when you are sick.

So I did something that’s hard to explain, but I managed my cycling anxiety, by getting back on the bike.

Cycling, or any physical activity, acts as an anxiety suppressant. So, weirdly enough, when I’m having anxiety related to cycling, I will often manage it, with cycling. So that’s what I did, I hopped on the bike and headed home.

Even though there were still some brutal hills on the way back, somehow, it was all fine. Sometimes this reserve of energy seems to kick in suddenly, and all of a sudden, the tough hills, don’t feel like much of a challenge. So I made it home. And I didn’t get sick, just my anxiety ridden body playing tricks on me!

So I made it, but my confidence in my ability to cycle had really been tested, despite the fact that I had succeeded. I could have looked at it the other way, that it was a really tough cycle and I made it through, but something about this trip really tested my confidence. To the point where I added an extra day to my trip to the Knockmealdowns and the Waterford Greenway. The 4^th day, the journey home, would have originally involved me cycling for 48 miles. But I didn’t have confidence in my ability to cover that in a single day. So on what would have been the final day, I would book into a hotel, and finish the journey home the next day. What I didn’t realize is that this was probably more difficult in the end. The hotel was half way to Mitchelstown and that was, up, a, huge, hill! So it probably would have been easier to just do a four day trip.

So as I kind of expected, this blogpost has been as much a journey into my own psychology as it is about the act of cycling. Why do I have so much anxiety about something that frankly, I’m good at? As this year ends, we will be entering my tenth year as someone who really loves cycling, and in all that time, there was only one cycle where I conked out and had to be rescued. I talk about that here:

My Only Unsuccessful Cycling Trip

So it’s a mystery to me. It’s not like I have some sort of record of constantly needing to be rescued from the side of the road (not that there’d be any shame in that if it happened), and yet, I always have this feeling that I won’t by physically strong enough to do the next cycle. If it’s 20 miles or more, I pretty much always have that feeling.

Perhaps some day I’ll get to the root of what it’s all about, but for now, I hope you’ve all enjoyed this tale of going to Watergrasshill, the worst place in the world! For cycling, I stress, for cycling, I’m sure other than that it’s a really nice place!