Autism Expertise Disorder, A Terrible Affliction That is Stalking Our Lands

Hello, today I think it is about time I talked about a terrible condition that is affecting a large percentage of the population. This condition is called Autism Expertise Disorder. I can’t abbreviate it to A.E.D because that is already automated external defibrillator, so, let me just check, could I use the P in expertise, A.E.P.D, now let me just check if that’s already taken, no that’s taken aswell, fine you win world, I’ll just type out Autism Expertise Disorder every time, I hope you’re happy people who have taken all the acronyms!

So what is Autism Expertise Disorder? It is a terrifying condition that means a person thinks they have a very deep and unbelievably vast knowledge about autism. They may state things such as “everyone is on the autism spectrum”, or “if you can successfully use scissors you can’t be autistic”, or, “That woman is too good looking to be autistic”. (That last one is super creepy, I mean seriously what the hell?) And the source of this “expertise”, comes not from knowing any autistic people, or having read up on the subject of autism, often times this “expertise” comes from merely having seen someone on the number 7 bus one time who they think was probably autistic.

Someone who has Autism Expertise Disorder will typically be wearing a crown, and they will approach an autistic person unexpectedly and say, “Behold my infinite level of knowledge on autism, bow before me puny mortal!” As an autistic person, I must say I often find this kind of behaviour to be a little distracting.

But you might be thinking, what about those people who talk about autism who have fancy words in front of their names, like, FBA, DBE, VHS, BSE, surely they don’t suffer from Autism Expertise Disorder? Yes, even these people can suffer from the dreaded condition. Because while they may be very well educated, they are so well educated and have been told so for so much of their lives that they’re unaware of their own biases, so you get things like the Sally Anne Test, which takes the fact that an autistic child doesn’t know what the fuck is going on or doesn’t give a shit about the damn test as proof that they don’t have any empathy.

What about autistic people, can they suffer from Autism Expertise Disorder? Yes, they can. This comes in the form of assuming that their own autistic experience is the only type of valid autistic experience. So they will assume that other autistic people will have abilities or traits comparable to their own. They may have heard the phrase, “When you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person”, but it still applies if the only autistic person you’ve met is yourself!”

So what can we do about Autism Expertise Disorder? Well, if you see someone who looks like they are being affected by Autism Expertise Disorder, it may be possible to save them, but you have to act fast! First, if you hear anybody saying, “Autistic people are good at maths”, or “I know an autistic person who knows how to breathe, he’s very high functioning”, keep them in an upright position. This is crucial to have any hope of saving them. I’ll come back to this point it’s very important. Remind them that autism is a very complicated subject, and just because they have heard of Gary Numan doesn’t mean they know all there is to know about autism or close to it. Keep talking to them, keep talking! Point out how Andrew Wakefield was discredited, the Sally Anne Test was done by neurotypical people with no autistic input, and the film Mercury Rising is not an autism documentary and is shite. And remember to keep them in that upright position, it’s vital, because as soon as their head disappears up their own ass there is no hope of saving them!