Many people will tell you that the lives of autistic people are simply unparalleled tragedy, and they should know, the people who say this are not autistic themselves, and therefore know better than autistic people! But I am here to tell you that these people who don’t speak for autistic people are right. My life is an unparalleled tragedy, not a paralleled tragedy, but an unparalleled one. To the point where Shakespeare shouldn’t have bothered writing about Scottish dudes who can be killed by other dudes who were born by caesarean section and should have just written about my life instead. Here are some reasons (Why cruel fate!), sorry I needed to stop typing there to curse cruel fate, anyway here are some reasons why my life is a tragic tragedy of tragicaneous proportions, so tragic that I invented a new word, tragicaneous.
I can become very creative for periods of a few hours a day, but the hours will seem to go past in an instant. It feels like I will blink and all of a sudden I will have the guitar, drums, bass and synths of a song I am working on almost finished. This I find really tragic, often times I run up to the top of a mountain, and shout at the top of my lungs, why did you do this to me!
On a sunny day by the ocean, the intense blue of the sea and the mesmerizing green of the fields will send me into such unbelievable joy. This is truly a tragedy beyond measure, I often find myself cursing the horrifying genetic mishap that created my malformed and defective brain.
When I realize one of my favourite podcasts has a new episode I will often flap my hands and start making really exuberant sounds because it makes me so happy, truly this should cause you to weep in despair at the absolute terrifying terror that is my completely unlivable life.
I love getting stuck into learning about a subject, whether it be the history of musical instruments, astronomy, or the history of video games. Why hasn’t a film that has been nominated for ten Oscars been made about the unyielding sadness of my life!
The excitement of knowing that there’s a new galaxy or globular cluster out there to find with my telescope, and knowing there’s going to be a clear night that night, it’s the most amazing feeling in the world, and I can’t even begin to describe how amazing it feels. Knowing you could be looking at something so far away that when the light from it started its journey humans weren’t even on Earth. Despair and anguish!
When I’m cycling to one of my favourite places in the world, the Nagle Mountains, when I finally see it as I come over the hill, about only forty minutes away, and it’s so tantalizingly close, I feel absolutely amazing. Weep for my horrendously sad life!
Finding a community of fellow autistic people, to help me understand myself and feel like I am not alone. And finding a community of neurotypical people who do not judge me for being different, but instead like me for being different. Infinite Despair!
So I hope you are now convinced that the life of the autistic person is such a horrific tragedy that everyone should cry until the cities of the Earth flood and become uninhabitable. Every second of my life is horrific and despairateous, I had to invent another new word to describe it. If a person from medieval times dying horribly from the Black Death could see me, they would breathe a sigh of relief knowing that at least they are not suffering the unbelievable and indescribably tragic tragedy that is my life.
Ponderings Of An Autist 